Did you know?
Research shows that coping styles such as avoiding and blaming one-self when things go wrong places new mothers at higher risk of emotional distress.10 Whereas self-compassion which refers to the tendency to accept one’s inner experiences and to be kind and compassionate to oneself when confronted with difficulties may be protective and promote emotional well-being for mothers during the perinatal period.
Ask yourself – “Is the situation causing my stress something that I can avoid or is it something that I have to learn to accept and manage?
Coping strategies for situations that you may have some control over and/or can be changed.
- Problem solve
Is there way of ‘solving’ a particular stress trigger? Example: Could I take public transport or a different driving route to avoid that stressful traffic? - Increase your knowledge
Being in a new or unexpected situation that we don’t know much about can cause stress. Learning more about the situation can help.
Example: Mila was informed by her doctor at her last prenatal visit that her blood tests came back positive for gestational diabetes. At first she was very anxious and confused about how to manage this condition. After meeting with the nurse and reading through all the information she was provided, Mila felt more assured that there are things she can do to manage her blood sugar levels and keep them in the target range. - Lower the stressor dose
Many times we can’t completely avoid the situation or person causing us stress, but we can find ways to spend less time in places or around people that cause us stress. - Set boundaries and Learn to say NO!
Sometimes we can reduce stress by creating limits by not taking on more than we can handle, saying no more often and deciding what our priorities are. - Prioritize your time
Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If like most pregnant or new moms you find you spend a lot of time doing activities that are unnecessary while other important tasks are going undone consider dropping them to the bottom of your list or eliminate them entirely.
Alexia is pregnant and tired. Her home task ‘to do’ list is on the left. She has decided to prioritize them as shown on the right. High priority means TODAY, medium means soon but not necessarily today, and low means at some point in a few days or weeks.
This Week’s Task List
Laundry
Sort and organize baby clothes
Groceries
Return phone calls, emails, texts
Exercise
Pay bills
Look for play group
Priority Category (high, medium, low)
Medium
Low
High
Medium
High
High
Medium
Remember you don’t have to do it all yourself. If other people can take care of the task, why not let them? New moms often struggle with the need to do everything themselves. This can quickly become overwhelming. Let go of the desire to have to do or oversee everything. By delegating to others, you will be letting go of unnecessary demands that can add to your stress level.
- Be aware of pressure from others
Parents, in-laws, family, friends Things have changed since your parents became parents – you have different options, networks and expectations now. Their advice is often based on their experiences. With time you and your partner will be relying on your own experiences which will be based on your own knowledge and understanding about your baby. While it can be useful to be open to advice – it’s also important to trust yourself. - Be more assertive
Express yourself clearly, stand up for yourself and your point of view, while at the same time respecting the beliefs and rights of others. Remember to use “I” statements.
Example: Rani was feeling frustrated with her partner because ever since she had the baby and is on maternity leave her partner stopped doing his share of the household chores She expressed how she was feeling by telling him the following. “I feel frustrated that I am doing everything around the house now and caring for the baby all day. Is there something we can do to balance things out?”
Coping strategies for stressors that you have no or little control over.
You can learn to adapt better to stressful situations that you have no control over by changing your expectations and how you are seeing the situation.
Change your thinking. Replacing negative thinking patterns with more flexible and realistic thinking can make it easier to cope with stress.
Change your expectation. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress for new mothers. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection of yourself or others. Set reasonable expectations for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with good enough!
Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Instead of stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control like the way you react to problems.
Share your feelings. Go ahead and phone friend or meet up for coffee. Sometimes just talking it out can make you feel better even if the problem doesn’t get fixed.
Other helpful strategies that can be used to reduce stress and help you cope better include:
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- Practicing Relaxation Techniques
Relaxation strategies such as deep breathing, guided imagery and progressive muscle relaxation are evidence-based tools that help to better manage the physical symptoms of stress and decrease your level of stress.
It’s important not to wait until you are feeling really stressed to learn and practice these relaxation strategies.
Put aside some time as part of your self-care to practice a relaxation technique. When practiced regularly they can help you build up your tolerance to stress. Knowing these skills can also help you apply these strategies in times when your stress is high. - Mindfulness Practices
Mindfulness refers to being fully present in the moment; having a non-judgemental awareness of our moment-to-moment experiences as they are occurring, rather than being lost in thought about the past or planning for the future. - Lean on others for help and support.
Healthy relationships can help to protect against anxiety and depression, so it’s important to stay connected with your circle of family and friends. Be sure to spend time with people who make you feel good and help you de-stress.
While it’s not always realistic to have someone close available to lean on when your feeling overwhelmed by stress, it’s important to build and maintain your social network. Social media for example is a useful way to be able to connect with other expectant and new parents. - Make time for you
Doing things that engage you and give you pleasure are important for your self-care and necessary to de-stress and maintain balance.
Taking time for yourself means different things for different people. It can be things like reading, watching your favourite TV show, baking, painting, meeting up with a friend for coffee or something else you enjoy and find relaxing. What is important is that you find a way to care for yourself each day – even a few minutes of quality time daily for yourself can go a long way.
- Practicing Relaxation Techniques
So go ahead and give yourself permission to relax and take a break from your mom duties daily.
Click here for more ideas.
- Get enough sleep and rest
Sleep helps to fuel your mind and body. Fatigue lowers your tolerance to stress. Try to rest when you can. It’s okay to lie on the couch, take a break and slow things down.
It can be tricky to fit some of these suggestions into your life especially once your baby arrives, but even short periods of rest, relaxation and exercise can help
If you don’t feel like you’re coping with stress, talk with your doctor or midwife. They can give you advice and refer you to a psychologist or counsellor for professional help and support.
Dr. Deborah Da Costa discusses strategies to cope with stress.
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