Common sources of stress for expectant and new moms
Situations that cause stress are known as Possible SOURCES of stress during and after pregnancy
Stressful Situations
Some situations or factors that may increase stress during pregnancy or after your baby is born may include the following:
During Pregnancy
- Having an unplanned pregnancy
- Having negative experiences in a prior pregnancy or birth (e.g. miscarriage or death of a baby) early parenthood (breastfeeding difficulties, or an unsettled baby)
- Dealing with the physical changes of pregnancy
- Having a complicated or high-risk pregnancy (e.g. being diagnosed with gestational diabetes or hypertension)
- Sleep difficulties
After the Baby Arrives
- Experiencing complications during the labor/delivery (giving birth before 37 weeks of pregnancy or having a difficult delivery)
- Having a baby born prematurely or with medical complications
- Breastfeeding difficulties
- Lack of sleep (you and/or the baby)
- Time demands related to baby care, juggling other responsibilities (e.g. care of other children, household chores)
- Not enough time for you and your self-care
Other Sources
Others sources of stress which may affect your stress levels during pregnancy and/or after your baby arrives include
- Experiencing difficulties in your relationship with your partner
- Being a single parent
- Financial difficulties
- The need to change your job or work hours
- Juggling everything once you start working
- Feeling overloaded with advice from family, friends, the internet
- The need to move house or the process of moving house
- Migrating to Canada in the last 5 years
- Illness or death of a family member
Unrealistic expectations
The reality of being a parent may be very different from what you expected. The expectations might not be realistic.
Here are some common expectations that many parents initially have, but through experience, come to view quite differently.
Common Expectation
Reality
The baby will fit into our lives – not the other way around
Many parents think that life with a baby won’t be much different from life before baby. The fact is that having a child impacts all areas of life – priorities, activities, social life, finances – just to name a few. Talking to others and gaining realistic information can help you to mentally and emotionally prepare for what life with a child or another child will be like.
Babies sleep most of the time
Babies do sleep a lot but some baby temperaments and/or health conditions (such as reflux) can impact on their tendency or ability to soundly sleep. Such conditions can leave some babies very unsettled during the early weeks and months of early parenthood, so being aware of this is important for expectant and new parents.
Breastfeeding is going to be easy and natural
For some women and babies breastfeeding comes easily, however for many others it does not. Breastfeeding for some is painful, frustrating and can leave many mothers feeling vulnerable and inadequate. Being aware of the challenges many mothers can face is important, and knowing that there is information and support available for those who do struggle with breastfeeding is reassuring.
Parenthood is going to be filled with many special moments
While there will likely be special moments, there will also be many challenging times and often the proportion isn’t quite what the television commercials, magazines and posts on social media might lead us to expect. Talk to family members and friends about their real experiences.
All parents immediately and automatically ‘fall in love’ with their baby
While this is the case for many, for many others bonding and attaching with your baby can take many months or beyond the first year. This is not a reflection of you as a parent…some relationships just take longer to develop.
Having a baby will strengthen our relationship
While becoming a parent can positively influence your relationship with your partner, having a baby can also put relationships under strain – at least at first as you all settle to life with your baby. Having a child adds new responsibilities, and adjustments, which can mean added stress for you and your couple relationship.
My partner will play a major role in looking after the baby
I will be able to work and keep up with all the household chores while my baby sleeps
Assuming that you have a very settled baby, but for many reasons (baby’s temperament, health problems) this may not be the case. You will also be feeling more tired as your nightime sleep will likely be disturbed to attend to baby’s needs. Having expectations that are too high can add on stress. It’s important to have an open mind now about what may, or may not be possible once your baby arrives.
I already know when I will return to work
Until you become a parent it is difficult to know how you will feel about returning to work. Mothers (even fathers) sometimes change their minds about when they will be returning to work once the baby arrives. Your priorities may change, so try to keep your options open with your partner and employer. For some, motherhood is the ultimate fulfilment and for others it is one of many which makes you who you are.
My friendships will all continue in the same way
At different life stages, people come into, and out of our lives. Having a baby isn’t the same as getting a new job. As your identity and priorities will change, this can also impact on how much common ground you may continue to have with some of your friends.While some friendships may fade, new ones will grow or be made with others who are at a similar stage. The transition to parenthood is often a good time to invest into friendships with others who are also expecting or have young children – as they can become part of your social support network.
Source: Adapted from Centre of Perinatal Excellence – Common Expectations and the Reality.
http://www.cope.org.au/common-expectations-and-the-reality
Talk with your partner and other people who have had children about the different ways that having a baby impacts on life. This can help give you and your partner a realistic picture of the changes and challenges as you embark on your parenting journey.
Track Your Stress
Take some time to think about what your stress triggers are and how you respond . Remember that something that is stressful for you may not be stressful for someone else and something that is stressful to someone else may not be for you.
- Do you have a level of stress that you can tolerate but above that it becomes too much for you?
- Is it possible to identify when you are on your way to being too stressed, rather than simply feeling like everything has hit you at once?
To answer these questions it’s important to track your stress. We recommend you keep a stress diary (PDF) for 7 days:
- Remember that the causes of our stress are partly related to how we are perceiving or interpreting the situation. Something that is stressful for you may not be stressful for someone else.
- For example, being stuck in traffic every morning may make you tense and cause you to worry about being late for work.
- However, someone else in the same situation may find that time relaxing because they see that time alone as an opportunity to relax and listen to their favourite music while driving into work.
We recommend you keep a stress diary (PDF) for 7 days.
- You’ll be more aware of being stressed
- You will pick up patterns and triggers – time of day, situations, people ….
- You will be able to test your coping strategies to figure out what works best for you